The Right Kind of Rose: What are We Going to <em>Do</em>?

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

What are We Going to Do?

This was by far the busiest I have been during any given summer: I went full time with my church, applied to a new Master's program, was a dad, and initiated several youth programs throughout a given week. In the midst of all of this I read a book at the behest of my father called, Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow. This work really made me contemplate two things: one, what was my philosophy of ministry to this point and; two, how was that philosophy playing out practically?

First, let me give the reader a two sentenced book report: Murrow comes at church from the understanding that the church has been geared to be sensitive, caring, and loving- however, these are things that the majority of men do not easily identify with. Further more, he says that to attempt and change men to be more effeminate does not behoove the church and endear us to men, whose wives/girlfriends/mothers have been trying to change their ways since day one.

This is my first tier of thinking. My second was in regard to a statistic that I had found most unsettling: that only 15-20% of students in youth ministry would one day be regular attendees at a given church (not that church attendance is a perfect barometer of spiritual growth). So as I was pondering both of these things they connected in single moment and things began to make sense.

One of the many reasons I love youth ministry is that you
do so much. You go on mission’s trips, hold concerts, workdays, events, and camps. You take teens paintballing, rock-climbing, and hiking where they connect with each other and, more importantly, God. You do.

Jesus went out, hiked in the wild places, ate, partied (loose definition, Wesleyans), preached, healed, sent his disciples on missions, challenged them, and even told them they would more than likely be killed. He did.

The church today does not do. Not by and large. We come together once a week and sing. The men feel useful if there is a building project they can help with but other than that they usher, serve on the board, and greet. That's it. They don't go on missions, aren't challenged to do great things.

This is the connection- I was so fearful that youth ministry was losing 80% plus of its students to a godless world because we (youth ministers) had failed to prepare them. While this could be the case in some instances I do think that, by and large, churches are challenging me or engaging them. Men in churches are supposed to be meek, yes, but the church today translates meek as quiet, soft, certainly not bold, daring, or outspoken. A church going man does not confront a friend on a sin pattern and tell him to knock it off- it's none of his business.

Our church has been, for several months now, talking about a women's ministry for women whose husbands don't come with them and are not Christians (much less the spiritual leader of their home). It had not struck me that there was no men's group for men whose wives don't come with them. It had not been discussed because there was no need for it. How sad.

I could not begin to tell you the number of times that my wife has asked me, "So what did you and J.T. do?" and I would tell her, "Played (insert favorite video game)/saw a movie/played a sport." And she follows up with, "Well, what did you talk about?" and I say, "Nuthin'." We did, and that was enough. We didn't sit and cry, discuss our inmost feelings, or talk about other relationships in our lives. Not that those things don't come up but for men the relationship must only be built by doing. We, as the church, need to engage men to stop losing them. We need to do.

posted by D.M. @ 8:52 AM

1 Comments:

At 8/29/2006, ::athada:: said…

Meek and mild? More like meek and wild. (stolen from a Relevant Magazine I saw long ago)

Oh the paradoxes... meek and strong at the same time...

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